Wednesday, December 2, 2009

When the cat's away the mice will play...

I feel very sorry for anyone whose private business gets dragged through the mud in public. That is essentially what is happening here with Tiger Woods, his wife and his mistresses. He felt compelled to issue this apology for cheating on his wife:
"I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it's difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology."

The lesson in this story is to be faithful to your wife (or committed girlfriend). However, if you have a great number of opportunities to be unfaithful, if you have literally dozens of beautiful, sexy young women throwing themselves at you, wanting to sleep with you, when you are away from home, out of reach of your wife, staying in your same hotel, the natural human, male, heterosexual impulse is to stray. A man will tell himself, "I don't have any emotional feelings toward this hussy. It's just sex. I love my wife. I am loyal to her emotionally. She'll never know about this. So if I have a little hoochie on the side, it won't hurt her feelings." Yet if she ever finds out -- and chances are she will or she will notice something has changed -- your plan goes down the drain. You have cheated; and you have hurt your wife; and you have imperiled your marriage.

So the key to avoiding this disaster is scrupulously avoiding the temptation by not putting yourself in places where you have opportunities to meet beautiful, available females. At home, don't hire beautiful babysitters or housekeepers. Find the most homely, fat, old hags to work around your house. On the road, if there are attractive women hanging out in the hotel bar or nightclub, don't go into those places. Especially don't go in to those places by yourself. Before you sit down in a restaurant, come up with a strategy to not carry on a conversation of any sort with your attractive waitress. Even go so far as to feign a hoarse voice or a headache. If that won't work, order room service.

Also, as every man knows, there is an obvious way to relieve sexual desire without a partner. If that means buying a porno or renting an X-rated film, do so. Get your frustration out. Exhaust your tension. If once is not enough, do it two or three times until you feel satisfied. No one's feelings are hurt by autoerotic pleasures.

Most men, married or single, will never have many women propositioning them. When you just don't have the opportunity to cheat on your spouse, it is a lot easier to be faithful. That's why it is so tough (and of course so excellent) to be a Tiger Woods or any top movie star type guy. He's young, handsome, fit and extremely rich. He has everything every young, hot woman wants. He's continually traveling, away from home, staying in exotic locales. He's going to be propositioned endlessly. On a biological level, men never evolved with the tools to turn down these propositions from gorgeous young women. And because of that, an evolved man needs to strategize in advance to avoid the temptation they represent. He needs to go out into the world having relieved his genital needs. He needs to stay away from all sexy women he is not married to. And he needs to remind himself constantly that his wife will ultimately know everything he is doing and that he should behave as if she is in the room with him at all times. If he still cannot control himself, then he should not be married.

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